All Spice No Sugar
by Hazey247
Summary: a collection of one shots were anything can happen fan girls may attack characters can rewrite scripts and iroh can try to give up tea any pairing reveiws appreciated, flames accepted
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER- **I DON'T OWN ANYTHING _except for the therapist _

_Hm…now were to start_

_Evil Twin- well you could always be a paranoid therapist seeing as you won't let me lock them in a closet_

_Conscience- I think you should begin by talking about feelings…_

_No way_

_ET- well you could find a way to lock him in his chair for a full hour and a half to discuss his deepest and darkest secrets_

_I like that idea… yes I do like that idea I think I'll go with that one unless anyone else has an idea _

_ET- Ha! Take that conscience_

_Con...-whatever this would be your first good idea in 6 years_

_ET- hey!_

_Con...- And you know what else…_

_Shut up and go away so I can type_

_ET- humph! Fine then see if I care (stomps off)_

_Con...- How rude (disappears in a puff of smoke)_

_Ok now that I have gotten rid of them onto the story_

Therapy

* * *

"uncle" Zuko shouted "who on earth is this" Zuko shrieked in anger pointing accusingly at the tall 20 year old woman standing calmly behind him with a briefcase in hand

"Ah! Professor Akyim how nice it is to see you took quite while in getting here I almost believed you weren't coming" Iron then moved past Zuko and began to shake the woman's hand enthusiastically

"Of course I was coming you know I can't resist a challenge" she looked at Zuko with a critical eye then turned to Iroh "I take it that this is my new client"

"yes that is prince Zuko" Iroh looked around quizzically then smiled "I'm sorry I don't believe you have met my nephew before "Zuko this is professor Akyim she is the only therapist within a thousand miles and this" Iroh paused and turned toward Zuko " is my nephew prince Zuko" he finished solemnly.

"What do I need a therapist for I'm perfectly fine" Zuko's wrist burst into flames as though to emphasis his point

Professor Akyim turned and looked cautiously at Zuko "I think I had better get started right away is there a spare room that we can use for now.

No there isn't a spare room but you can use my study it has a big desk in it" Iroh looked at Zuko who was fuming I'll go show it too you" Iroh turned around and spoke to Zuko " come prince Zuko" and they walked towards Iroh's study with an enraged Zuko followed lagging behind a bit and fuming

When they reached the study Iroh left them alone and the professor began her therapy by sitting down and Zuko did the same crossing his arms and looking at the candle flickering on the edge of the desk.

Ok then lets get started" the professor pulled out a pile of dotted pictures that had no patter and resembled nothing "what do you see in this picture then explain why you see that

Um professor this isn't working your fired" Zuko began to get up and he nearly succeeded except the professor pushed a small button on the corner of the desk and chains shot out of the chair and enclosed Zuko in the chair

"Wrong answer try again" showed Zuko the picture again "now tell me what you see" she said threateningly

"All I see is a crazy therapist who locked me in my chair and will be heading straight to the executioners block with charges of kidnapping and treason the moment I get out of this chair" Zuko snarled

"The professor stood up and locked the door to the study then turned to Zuko "I guess you'll be in that chair for a long time" and sat back down.

All right now what do these dots remind you of"

The avatar" Zuko replied in a bored voice he figured that if he answered all of her ridiculous questions that she would release him and then he could safely dispose of her with a puzzled expression "and how does this remind you of the avatar"

His unpredictable path you never know were he's going to go next"

Ok then… the therapist looked at him concerned

Now what is… the heavy iron door rang out some one was knocking on it "professor Akyim I brought you some tea" Iroh's voice came in through the door

The therapist got up and hurriedly walked over to the door unlocked it and ushered Iroh into the second chair which also had chains spring out of it and trap Iroh who sat there stunned and speechless

"Ok now we will be discussing our dreams" the therapist continued on as if nothing had happened "Iroh you first what was your dream last night"

Iroh took a sip of his tea "everything said is completely confidential right" he said and without even waiting for a response launched into his dream

Well I know this may sound strange but last night I was dreaming a wonderful dream about three girls and they were all clinging to me yelling we want the dragon of the west we want the dragon of the west I ran away from them as fast as I could but I couldn't run fast enough and the women caught me and took me too my brother and the girls attacked him and made me fire lord and Zuko was returned to his rightful place as prince and he" Iroh pointed to Zuko " got a wife and had twenty children none of them were adopted" Iroh finished firmly and sipped his tea

Hm... interesting I believe you have several desires in your life one to return Zuko to his rightful place in society and two for Zuko to get a life and be happy instead of chasing the avatar is that about right" the therapist looked up from her notes

"Yes that is about right" Iroh beamed and sipped his tea some more

All right now Zuko what was your dream" the therapist smiled that cheesy I'm here for you smile.

Well let me see Zuko began my dream was also strange in my dream I captured the avatar and the waterbender and had them taken to my father who gave me back my honor and the waterbender was captured by my father and I tried to save her but eh funny part is when I tried to save her I found her cell guarded by a ton of girls all wearing we love Zuko and I call him he's mine tee shirts all with my picture on the back and they attacked me and dragged me down and then they stepped back for half a second looked at each other and lunged at me all diving on top of me and I was crushed underneath them and they all tore at my armor and my hair and when they got off of me they had taken all of my armor and my shirt" Zuko takes a big breath and continues

"after that they took turns sitting next to me and making me sign pieces of paper while the other set up a camp fire in the jail and pitched tents and a lean to then they picked me up and set me down on a rug and gathered around me just looking at me then the leader spoke to me and said "WE LOVE YOU ZUKO!" and then she lunged at me and so did some others while the others watched the leader an two others grabbed the upper half of me and three others grabbed the lower half of me and they yanked me back and forth like tug of war only the prize was me and I wasn't exactly crazy about that idea then the water bender water whipped the 6 girls and they let go of me and I jumped up and ran to the door of kata… I mean the waterbenders cage and opened it and ran in and slammed the door in the girls faces and now I was locked in with a different girl but the waterbender was a big improvement from the others she didn't attack me or anything and there were now bars between me and the girls but that didn't stop them they stuck there arms through the bars and continually shouted my name over and over again and then… I woke up"

Wow that was a very interesting dream um... well I think this will conclude our session of therapy for today you may go" the therapist pushed a green button on the desk that released the chains and allowed Zuko and Iroh to go free.

"Finally Zuko jumped up and flung the door to the study open

"ZUKO!"

Iroh and the therapist saw a ton of girls leap into the room and tackle Zuko to the ground and ironically they were all wearing I love Zuko tee shirts then they hefted him up onto their shoulders and carried him out onto the ship deck which was flooded with girls all wearing I love Zuko tee-shirts and the moment they saw Zuko they all screamed

NO! NOT AGAIN! Zuko yelled as he was carted off into the see of screaming fans.

The therapist sighed and shut the door to the study then turned to Iroh "would you mind watching my briefcase for me" then the therapist took off her jacket to reveal an I love Zuko tee shirt the therapist then walked over to the door flung it open and yelled

"HOLD ON ZUKIE I'M COMING FOR YOU" then she ran out into the middle of the crowd of girls and slammed the door behind her

Iroh stared at the door and then at his tea "this stuff does things to your brain"

* * *

_This was so much fun to write I hope you all liked it_


	2. ping pong avatar style

Today seeing as I am in a good mood…

ET- wow relay that doesn't happen often

Shut up

Con…- well she has a point…

SHUT UP!

silence

Now seeing as I am in a good mood I am writing the second chapter now instead of Friday like I planned waits for applause

(Silence)

Oh well on with the story

Ping pong: avatar style

"Well now today we will be watching a game of ping pong against the fiery prince Zuko" I shout into the microphone and point at Zuko who appears at the red end of the ping pong table asleep and in his fluffy pink slippers and fleece pajamas clutching a Katara plushy

Against Avatar Aang" I yell pointing to the yellow end of the table were Aang appears also asleep wearing purple bunny fleece pajamas and sucking his thumb also clutching a Katara plushy.

"They will be fighting for the love of their life… Katara". I scream extremely loud waking up both Aang and Zuko

Katara appears in a cage completely awake and hammering on the side of the cage "let me out let me out… how did I get in her anyhow LET ME OUT!"

Aang leaps up and rush to Katara while I explain in painstaking detail why I will not let her out and how I put her in the cage with my imagination seeing as this is my story I will be making you put up with this and how… I was about to continue rambling on when Zuko stopped me.

"Um… Hazey what's with the pink slippers and PJ's" Zuko said frowning at his appearance in the mirror on the wall

"Yeah and the Katara plushies" Aang shouted at me

"It's your uniform" I said glaring at the Zuko and Aang who looked at each other momentarily and didn't move

I sighed and pushed the yellow button which made Zuko and Aang disappear and reappear at there spots on the table both holding a ping pong paddle and an orange ball

Zuko flung his paddle down defiantly "I'm not playing Aang can have Katara I don't want her"

"Hey I'm right here you know" Katara yells at Zuko giving him a death glare

"I'm also leaving" Zuko turns too walk away

"Wait one minute" I yell and grab some papers lying on my desk and begin erasing and re writing the script

"And the moment Zuko saw Katara he fell deeply in love with her and would do _anything_ to receive her love in return…and there was also a cage surrounding the Ping-Pong table and the players that could not be melt by the fire" I muttered under my breath and pushed the same yellow button

Zuko spun around and ran to his end of the table just as the cage appeared and yelled to Katara "don't worry my love I will save you from the avatar"

"Eewwww!" Aang groaned that's gross

Katara sighed "did you have to do that"

"Yes I did now onto the game you have to play or else you lose Katara forever" I said happily.

Zuko picked up his paddle and slammed the little orange ball at Aang's unsuspecting head knocking him out cold

Zuko stood up stunned and looked at me expectantly

"oh all right here are the keys to Katara's cage… and the keys to your cage" I toss him two sets of keys

Zuko smiles and runs over to Aang, picks him up, kicks open the door to the cage and runs out the door with him completely ignoring Katara and dashing outside to his ship without a word.

"Oh well" I shrugged "I guess the script doesn't work on feelings... to bad though I was really hoping Zuko would win" I sat back in my recliner and grabbed some popcorn and began to write a new script

"Your crazy aren't you" Katara glares accusingly at me

"Do you really want to know" I asked her looking over the top of my sunglasses?

Katara didn't say anything…

Ok now all of you REVIEW! I don't care if you have nothing to say think of something just as long as you write a review in fact I don't even care if it's three dots I just want a review I also want suggestions for the next chapter…

Oh and happy New Year.


	3. List's

I know it' been six days since I updated and here is the reason why

I was grounded because the dishes weren't done so blame the dishes for my misfortune even though it is completely my fault so now you know

ET.-she was really mad at first it was scary

Hey I wasn't that mad

Con…-yes you were if you had been a bender of any sort well bad things would have happened

Well maybe I was a little upset

ET. - A _little _upset you call…

Shut up now before I hurt you or worse attempts to strangle evil twin

Conscience stops me

Okay um uh were going now runs away with evil twin

* * *

Lists

Zuko's to do list

1. Capture the avatar: well it has to happen sometime I can't just stay a banished prince I mean it just isn't that fun

2. Decide whose eviler Zhoa or Zula (Hm… I'll have to ask uncle about this one)

3. get a better cook (today's lunch was some kind of pasta yesterdays lunch was some kind of pasta, tomorrow pasta, and then pasta with big surprise pasta if I eat any more pasta I might hurt someone.

4. Think of ways to capture the avatar (bounty hunter didn't work, just capturing didn't work, saving to recapture didn't work out either… what's left?)

5. Make uncle give up tea (I mean you have to admit he drinks so much of it it's a health hazard)

6. Practice firebending (it's a great stress reliever although normally I'm so stressed out it doesn't do much good.

7. Get rid of all those fan girls (last time they caught me I ended up missing most of my hair they pulled so much out trying to get a hold of me)

8. Get uncle to let the crew embers win at poi cho (he's so competitive I bet he'd just make me play a game with him which definitely does not sound fun)

9.get uncle to stop talking about that bounty hunter (I honestly have no clue what he see's in her she's rude and disrespectful but not that bad looking, strange I always thought uncle would go for older ladies about his age oh well you never know)

10.think of ways to get accepted back into the firenation (I miss it so much it's my country I think I should be allowed to go back but no I have to chase this stupid avatar all over the world all I want to do is go home

* * *

**Katara's list of possible soul mates**

**1.aang (he's nice and all but he's the avatar and I think of him as a little brother that could never work out I just have no interest in him**

**2. Haru (he was nice and not that bad looking, but not a great bender, but you never know he might find a master to teach him, I bet his dad's a master there's hope**

**3. Jet (nope not a bender, and he's crazy to the point of murder) I wonder if they ever got him off of that tree**

**4. Zuko (no, no, no he's a firebender and he's trying to capture Aang it wouldn't work besides he's to proud to even look at me) I wonder how he got his scar?**

**5. Teo (maybe you never know he's a lot like Aang but more mature and he was nice while we visited he's not a bender either) his fathers weird though **

**I don't think I know anyone else my age that's available

* * *

**

Aang list of ways to show everyone Zuko was good

1.capture Zuko and make him tell us how he got his scar (I don't think he got it in a training accident he's to touchy about his honor for it to be a training accident)

2. Tell Sokka and Katara what happened while they were sick (nah they'll get mad at me for not telling them sooner)

3. put a hole in his ship and then when it sinks be swimming and see him and pull him to shore (nah might kill him)

4. Get him and Katara to fall in love (no way Katara's MINE no way am I going to let that happen

5. Steal his rhinos (nah to risky what if I'm caught

6. Steal his armor (nah Katara might see him without it on and fall for him after all I think he only has a sleeveless shirt on underneath)

7. Accidently get caught by Zuko then when they rescue me accidentally sink the ship and steal Zuko (nah kantar still might fall for him)

8. Give up and let Katara fall for him (it would be a sacrifice but that's okay she doesn't like me that much any way

"Aang what are you doing" Katara appears beside him and grabs paper

"Um... I need to go find Sokka" Aang runs off leaving Katara with the list

(You don't need me to tell you what Katara's reaction is)

* * *

I'll finish the other lists when I have time

Now review!


	4. the light at the end of the tunnel

This is what happens to Zhoa after he dies.

* * *

Zhoa looked around at the darkness surrounding him he was dead he knew he was dead he had been dead for 10 minutes now and all he could see was black nothingness and himself.

He frowned and looked behind him he squinted a little and was able to pick out a pin prick of light

He began to walk towards the light cautiously and slowly an image flashed before his mind it was him as a child meditating with his old teacher.

He smirked slightly at the pair in his mind he had always been destined for greatness and in the end he had indeed been greater.

He walked on and another image flashed before him he was in his teens now and was training as a firenation solider his dueling partner was still learning how to firebend but as he watched he saw no pity in his movements and a smile grew on his face as his opponents hand burst into flames and he did nothing to ease his suffering but the young Zhoa turned away from the screaming opponent.

The light was more visible now and he continued walking. Another image floated into his mind this one he was now a captain and one of his crew had been drunk while on duty and had the misfortune of Zhoa stumbling over him during the night. The normal punishment was 10 lashes he had raised the number to 70 and the punishment had slowly killed the solider and he had sat back and enjoyed the sight.

Zhoa smiled once more and walked faster down the tunnel which grew brighter with each step soon another image could burst into his head he was now a young commander and was sent to raid the southern water tribe the warriors and benders had put up a fight but it was short lived they quickly over came them and executed the waterbenders one of the female waterbenders was hugging two small children a boy and a girl both with blue eyes he watched as he yanked the woman away from the children and as the girl ran after the woman a warrior grabbed her a held her protectively he watched himself smile and ignite the woman's body her screams echoing in the ice covered land he looked at the two children and the man they all had tears in their eye.

Serves them right Zhoa thought as he continued walking. He was beginning to sweat in his armor as he walked closure and closure to the light which now had a reddish glow and was no longer a pin prick it was now a gaping hole but he could not see inside the hole the entrance was blurred and he couldn't see past it he continued walking and the temperatures continued rising with every step he took.

Another image came up about a yard or two from the 7 foot gaping hole. This was an event he remembered quite well seeing as it happened right before he died he was an admiral and was standing triumphantly holding a bag above his head containing the moon spirit, the retired general Iroh told him to release the spirit or he would suffer so Zhoa did and he sent it off with a fire blast and the sky went dark the moon was gone he Zhoa had conquered the northern water tribe and slain the moon spirit.

The temperature was unbearable now and he took one more step so he was standing inside the hole and looked around the hole was no longer blurry and Zhoa could see everything clear as day and smiled all around him were hot flames spewing out of the molten floor and rows of captive daggled in chains as fire consumed there soul out of the corner of his eye Zhoa saw a fiery hand coming slowly toward him he stumbled backwards tripping over his feet and shuddered uncontrollably as the hand came closure he screamed he had never really screamed b before but he did now the hand filled him with terror and dread.

The hand swept over him and grabbed his throat choking him and began pulling him toward the pit of fire and brimstone and Zhoa let the hand take him this was what he deserved and he knew that it was the best he would ever get his flashbacks had told him that much and that was all he needed to know.

* * *

Three guesses were Zhoa went

The light at the end of the tunnel doesn't always have to mean happiness or eternal bliss


End file.
